The Longest Post.

Thursday I lost my job because I fucked up at work...but never mind and all that. So Thursday night I told my cousin to fuck off as I was not in the mood for football and instead went to Alfie's gig down at the Mucky Pup. I was skeptical that there would be enough room in there for a gig. But they put Alfie on the pool table which was covered with a sheet and thus made a makeshift "stage". He was the first act on out of 4 acts and they got worse as they went on (with the exception of Bernie, who came on right after Alfie and was absolutely brilliant, just as I imagine Alfie to be like in 20 years - you know, one of those musicians who is just music through and through. Anyway - I stayed in the Pup till way after closing time, they had a lock-in. I didn't get home till gone 4!! With not more than 10 quid in my wallet at any point during the evening that's quite a minor miracle!! Although I do remember Jude (The Barmaid) buying me a pint on the condition that I would get her a couple back the next time I was in.

On Friday I took Jenna out for some Tapas as it was her birthday. We originally had planned to go to Masala Zone but it was shut. I bought her Gok Wan's book "How to look good naked" as a birthday present and absent-mindedly bought her a card as well, forgetting that I had already bought her one and left it at home. We had some intersting cocktails in Cuba Libre - Jen had a Margherita which was mixed just right (It should taste slightly of petroleum) and I had one called a "Kruschev Heel" (containing Sloe gin, Southern Comfort, Vodka and Orange Juice). The girls had invited me out for a drink that night and I had already informed Billy who said he would be there. I then left for the Knight's Templar. However, when I arrived he was with John hammond...and Hugh Enright.

Hugh Enright is my enemy. He tried to get me fired twice before and has called me a thief on numerous occasions. I really can't stand the guy. Hammond was always alright with me before but in fact it was he, and not Enright, who started with me this night. When I whispered a Bernard Manning gag to Billy out of respect for Mr. Manning's passing, hammond thought I was talking about him and then accused me of "glaring" at him. I must just point out that I have never "glared" at anybody before, for I know not how. If my face appears that way, you'll have to blame my parents for "glaring" at each other whilst I was being conceived, and if I have inherited either of thier "glares" as my normal face then sue Charles Darwin for his natural selection theory. It all kicked off from there. I was so wound up afterwards I actually had to go and engage Caroline in a conversation. Billy came over and we all started talking about how long a guy should be expected to last in bed. Which was nice.

I had arranged to meet Alfie in the New Rose in Essex Road at about half 8, and from there we were going to go on the pull. I was literally so inundated with appointments that evening that it was a miracle I managed to keep them all. I had also arranged to meet LJ in the 12 Bar club later on that evening. So I planned to go and grab Alfie, have a quick pint and make our way there.

I got to the New Rose and looked everywhere for Alfie but couldn't find him, so I turned around to leave and saw him sitting at the bar. We had a quick pint there and then walked to the Camden Head. I had seen Bart (The Barman) on the night bus home the previous night, and said I would see him in there at some stage. But he wasn't there. So we drank up, got some chips and then the bus to the 12 Bar, on which we talked to two very nice Asian girls who were drinking whisky.

Got to the 12 Bar to find LJ being chatted up by some random. I said hello (eventually) and introduced her to Alfie. Don't ask me why but I got the impression she was more into Alfie than me. So I took Alfie to one side and told him if he fancied her to go for it, although looking back that was probably not a very wise move. We then went on to the Intrepid Fox - me, Alfie, LJ and her friend Stephen, who is a geography teacher. We had a few there and did a few Mighty Boosh quotes. (LJ is a big fan of the "Old Greg" Episode, so we talked a lot about Man-ginas.) Then I crashed at Alfie's and had the worst hangover I ever had in the morning.

Alfie went out and came back while I was still asleep. I woke up about quarter past two, and then we went to Angel, had some greasy chinese and a very nice juice cocktail, then I went home to briefly play some retro games and then get ready in time for Jenna's birthday celebrations down at Masala Zone. I had arranged to meet Alfie at the two white crosses. I was late but still the first one there. It was a lovely meal; myself, Alfie and all four members of ToxicSlut attended and we had a great time. Then Me and Alfie left to get Jen a joke birthday present: Two bags of flour - from the Red Dwarf episode where Lister gets two bags of flour for Kochanski (Flour, Flowers).

We went to the Albion. It was very packed but we had a GREAT turnout. When we arrived Ross was waiting at the door. We went in and the others arrived one by one. Jen herself, Lee, Jo, Spanky, Amanda, Anne-Marie, Kevin, Sam, My folks, Yvonne... and it was a decent night. Although I got harangued by a mad middle-aged woman who was shocked that I had not seen Spinal Tap and then made it her duty to give me a lecture about that fact. So I lumbered her with Alfie and went back inside. The others planned to go to Club de Fromage but myself and Alfie had already decided against it as we had had heavy ones for the past two nights. Ross also said he was skint, and would not be going. I invited him to the Mucky Pup for a nightcap with me and Alfie when the Albion closed, but he vanished. On the way there, Alfie changed his mind and decided to go to the Fromage. I was against it but decided I would tag along. But on the way Wes phoned Alfie and said he was outside Borders with his fiancee. We have all been looking forward to meeting her for ages now. So we met up with them and took them to the Mucky Pup with us. Mattanja is a very nice lady, and I hope that her and Wesley will be very happy together as they seem to be now. We got to the Mucky Pup and found some more Fromage desertees in the form of Anne-Marie, Kevin and Sam already there. Wes and Myself challenged some jocks (Not the scottish type) to a game of pool and they were killing us before we ALMOST made one of Me and Wes's legendary comebacks on the pool table (I will be posting some of my very old blogs soon and you can read therein how Me and Wes came from Seven balls down to winning the game against two guys called Guy and Bart (The Hospital People).) But it was not to be. However, a good night it was to be. I again stayed at Alfie's and woke up to find him not there as he had gone to a classic car show. So i took the liberty of decorating his house with post-it notes, and went home for a boring boring Sunday. (By the way, on the way home I had no way of knowing the time as my phone had long since died, and I had been hoping to find somewhere I could buy Saw 3 on DVD. However when I went past Woolworths and Tesco's on the bus I found them closed. As I had no record of the time I thought it was a rainy sunday afternoon. However when I got home I discovered it to be quarter past nine in the morning!! No wonder nothing was open. So i nipped out later, got Saw 3, watched it, was nearly sick several times, then got drunk and fell asleep.)

*Phew*!!